Joke vs Not: Where do we draw the line?

"Your right to a joke ends where the other person's boundaries begin." I've often seen myself in situations where I've been labelled too uptight and unable to take a joke. I've heard it too often that it is now a part of me. Writing this right now; I'm still reeling from a conversation with my Amma. The whole question arises from another set of questions; when is a joke okay? Where is a joke, okay? What joke is okay?

I think the idea of a joke is all laughs and giggles until it breaches another person's boundary. The art of making jokes is figuring out where the border lies and how not to trigger the raging beast behind the line. This can depend on many factors, and words play a crucial role. The hero of our joke is how we word our sentence, the tone and hint our voice gives out. It can change the room's mood and relationships and rewrite our personalities for people.

I've come across people who trudge over the boundaries and build mountains over the insensitive joke they have made, going to great lengths to justify their comments. Earlier, my naivety led me to fall for these manipulations that are a part of the heap of justifications made to back the unsolicited comment or joke. Still, these same comments and jokes have now given me a thicker skin. It has enabled me to see past the concern and the "sense of humour" and fight back and make them see where they went wrong. It is not an easy, linear process, but that's a rant for another time.

A joke about someone, an experience or an incident that echoes a negative feeling in the person sitting in front of you and the anger and tears that spark in the aftermath of the trigger should be an excellent indication that we have indeed barged upon unchartered territories and must retreat.

Someone once told me that words are like farts. Once out, you can't really do anything to bring it back in. I can visualize my friend's eye roll at this improper statement. Keeping aside the fact that it's gross, words once spoken cannot be taken back, no matter what you do.

One principle I recently learned is to think before I open my mouth to say something. Pause and reflect on how I would feel if someone else was to say this to me. Only after checking with this will I voice my opinions or concerns. Despite checking with your conscience, we still aren't sure of the boundaries and triggers of the person we are conversing with. So more than being respectful with what we say, we should also be prepared to be accountable for our words. Being responsible includes our openness to understanding our faults, accepting and apologizing for them, and vowing to never repeat them again. It is often said that your apology needs to be as loud as your disrespect was. If everyone offended someone else with their words and went the other route, trying to justify their actions and cause more mayhem, it would be a never-ending loop of an argument that is heavily energy-consuming and ultimately ends ugly.

The experience I learned this valuable lesson from is not something I'd want another person to go through. Still, if a genie presented me with three wishes, one of them would be for people everywhere to be mindful of what they say. God knows the havoc that can be avoided if people think before speaking.

Bottom line is, please be mindful of what you say. Never ever be the reason why someone goes to bed upset.